15 June 2005

On Fire

Today, I was forwarded along a document from the Downtown Retailers Association which contains a list of possible slogans for Kalamazoo's downtown area. Let's investigate the inaneness:

• Downtown, the place to be!
  I thought where's it's at has two turntables and a microphone.
• Destination: Downtown
  ...because "Destination: Battle Creek" was so memorable.
• Downtown, the place to shop!
  After 10 AM and before 5 PM, weekdays only, please. No men's clothing except tailored goods. Hours subject to change.
• Shop today for tomorrow in downtown Kalamazoo
  But I shopped there yesterday?!
• Direct to you from Kalamazoo
  Not too shabby, except is Kalamzoo bound to keep rehasing the Kalamzoo Stove Company's slogan over and over again?
• Downtown- Where everybody knows your name
  If your name is "That guy who always asks me for 34 cent."
• Downtown- We are here for you
  This is just plain phony sounding.

Now, to be honest, not all the suggestions the DRA is voting on are bad, but, overwhelmingly, most are hackneyed or boring. Others are just plain not thought out.

One I didn't mention above is We are the heart of Kalamazoo—your unique shopping adventure. Now, my first reaction was Huh?, but the more I think of it, maybe this is a great idea. You know, like, could you imagine several suburbanites, intrigued by this slogan, coming downtown to shop wearing pith helmets and khakis? As they search for that new perfect cute little purse or shoes, the adventure beings, ducking through alleys, scaling the sides of fifteen storey buildings, and taking machetes to beggars. Hell, why not complete the scenario by hanging vines over all the trees downtown?

I've thought of a few slogans, and I really want to submit at least one. I think Downtown: You arrive and it's on fire would be great. Of course downtown Kalamazoo isn't burning, so the double meaning is sort of pointless, but at least it's more eye-catching and exciting than Thank you for shopping downtown, which was another real suggestion.

Downtown is a great place to shop or eat and drink or spend a day out. I'm just afraid that generic slogans aren't going to do anything to improve the situation. It's not going to arouse anyone's curiousity to visit downtown—creative people will be turned off by the blandness of it all, and cookie-cutter people are already shopping at the most cookie-cutter place of all, namely, the mall. I just hope downtown, with all of its unique places and enjoyable activities can find a much better slogan than these. I would hate to see it embrace such mediocrity.