Poetry Corner Archive ----- You've just discovered the Poetry Corner Archive, where bad poetry goes to die. Each week, as you may know, one of the ZTV people writes a bad poem, in the spirit of silly Beatnic-like poetry. I thought it best to save them from total obliteration and put them here on the web to live on forever! ----- "Lucky" I feel the love flowing from every orifice, like my sinus infection, for which the doctor prescribed antibiotics; I feel my love leaving me, like blowing my nose with Vicks VapoRub; My love for you is like a fever, My thermometor is at 101.6; Taste the post nasal drip-- Feel the phlegm in your lungs-- Your aching muscles from the flu-- like Lucky Charms flowing from your soul... ...they're magically...delicious. --Mentos ----- From episode "Nerds Discuss Y2K": On some unique Friday nights my parents go away. And I get left all by myself to solitarily end the day. At 8 o'clock I go upstairs and locate all my comics. For one's night can't be complete without those crazy phonics. At 8.05 exactly I visit my only friends. The modem hums, the CD spins, I'm with him to the end. He's one foot tall and very smart, he's the best a guy could get. I've often met many a girl through his "internet." He has a drive, it's very hard. It sometimes makes me mad. My hormones rage, much better than any girl I've ever had. Alas, I cannot marry him, for he is a-nuttered, but it doesn't bother him, you see, he's a computer. I love you, oh computer! I love you 'til I die... and if you ever leave me I'll just break down and cry --Mentos ------ From the "Random topic-Spring Break" episode: I look into my hand; something is there. I am a haemophiliac; Do you know my pain? I am evolved from a cactus money; I communicate with the apes. In my hand is Mountain Dew; mingled with my haemophiliac blood. I tore my hand at Big Lots! Oh, the pain of my youth! Oh, the pain of my old age! Drink my Mountain Dew; Let me bleed on your puppet. I am one with the apes. --Mentos ----- "I'm Just a Urinal Cake in a Fleabag Hotel" by Daljo Nines dedicated to the memory of Samuel Pepys A moth beats its wings around The porchlight of my desire. The bulb goes out. Trees scrape against the windowpanes like Tree limbs on Glass. My feet burn for you, And your love is my Dr. Scholl's. And in the corner, Snufflupagus is weeping. Oh, why do you weep?! Do you cry over a love lost? Have you been forgotten like the child in Big Lots, Screaming, crying for his mama? "No," he answers, "I have not been forgotten, Nor has my love been lost. I weep. For on the outside, we are clowns. But on the inside, Like A child. Oh, who knows the pity of my contemptible pity?!" "C'est la vie," I reply, "C'est la vie." ----- "Duran Duran" Duran, Duran, What a big fan I am. You seduce me like a big piece of ham, how I want to just talk to you, touch you, be a part of you. Duran, Duran. ----- "Life" As the world revolves we are one. One with the earth, one with life. Life is so incredibly impossible... one second you're alive, the next, you are... alive. Life. ----- "Day" I tell you go. Eat your jam of grapes, and your butter of peanuts. Chomp, chomp, chomp. I tell you go. Run you through the sprinkler and be showered with life water. Splash, splash, splash. I tell you go. Drive you in horseless carriage to a land of unending euphoria. Vroom, vroom, vroom. I tell you go. Fly you in belly of big metal bird oven unending fields of maize. (Airplane sound) ----- "Adhesive Tape" Tape is sticky, tape is clear. It is everyone's worst fear. It binds you in its grip. You feel your sanity starting to slip. It holds you tighter than ever before. Now you and tape are no more. ----- "Time" What time is it? We never know. Time is fast and time is slow. Time goes on for ever and ever. Time is something we don't remember. Time is not something that you can send. Time is a season that never ends and now I say before I go: What time is it? We never know. ----- Here I sit, weak and weary, I chain-smoke like Dennis Leary; These damn rats are making me queazy, chasing me down, I'm awfully wheezy. It's halloween, and they're alive, ripping me apart as I dash and dive; Falling down the grand staircase, my eyes burn like I'm sprayed with mace. These awful rats, they're atomic, Make me feel like I'm catatonic. Somnambulating down the hall, I realize my feet are no longer there; They must've been eaten by the vermin at the bottom of the stair. -- Mentos ----- From the Police show I am a panda. I taste like the color green. Ice cream...Ice cream... I love to love...love forever...forever love... Many pandas procrastinate. Procrastinate green. Green. Like the leaves I eat. Green. The End! ----- Stan, the Lavatory Man Stan, Stan, the lavatory man, cheif inspector of the outhouse clan. Issues the tissues, the papers, and the towels, listens to the rhthym of the various bowels. Deep, down under the ground, where all the little poopies are swimming around, Stan, Stan, the lavatory man scoops up the poopies in a little tin can. -----