Health Charles

While I was in Canada about a month ago, I noticed a lot of little differences. The warning labels on the cigarette packs were not a little difference. They were a big difference. If you've never been to Canada and haven't seen any of these, imagine a big label across half of the front of the pack. And across the back half of the pack in French.

At any rate, I bet you're wondering where I'm going with this. Well, I was sitting around, a little bored today, and I just thought I'd have a little too much fun with this idea. And, as all of you know, I, Charles, the great philanthropist that I am, wouldn't ever want to see anyone take up smoking. So, as a public service, I've started a, um, public service, which I call Health Charles, which aims to help people. Or something.

Let me outline the lesser dangers of smoking.

Frankly, yeah, silly rats. You've always got to me looking out for them. First, they chew up all your food. Then they spread a plague throughout Europe. Now look at what they're doing: getting cancer. When will this stop? Frankly, maybe the rats need the warning labels.

Rats are rather tenacious, though. I bet if we put warning labels on rats they would chew them right off. Of course, rats are also readily trained. We could train them not to chew off the labels. But I digress.

If you're not taken in by that warning, there are some other issues to take into account before you start puffing on that pack of Marlboros. Just look at this!

Noodle that one for a while! I mean, yeah, Dane's might not even exist anymore, but don't you want to live to that magical age where you get all those nifty freebies? Yeah, thought that's what you'd say.

Of course, I could go for a nice, big buffet right now. I wonder if there are Canadian buffets where they serve all the french fries and gravy you can eat. French fries with gravy are incredibly good, though whenever I mention it to people here in the States they initially think it sounds revolting.

I wonder if too many french fries with gravy causes cancer in lab rats. Probably.

Frankly, if nothing else, try this one on for size.

Hmmmm...maybe I'm not getting my point quite across. Then again, that's the reason I'm not in marketing. So, anyway...yeah. Canada is a fun place. Take a trip there. You'll thank me for it.