Party Hard
The protagonist in our morality tale, with a sarcastic "Save the Children" look on his face
Oh dear. This is the most evil picture of me ever
In December of 2001 a most interesting party was planned. It would be chock full of friends from long ago and far away, as well as the whole crew of Kalamazoo folks. It looked as though it would be a blast.
However, amongst all this merriment, also invited were Chancellor Lee's ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend. I didn't knew if he was aware, so, once he brought up the party which was just on the horizon, I muttered something of a warning.
"You know, Chauncey, Amy and Brian are going to be there."
"Yeah, I do. But I'm not the person who invited both of them," he said, with a confused look upon his face, as though I had implied that he was welcoming this encounter.
"Still, are you sure you want to go there?"
"Yeah, I've been meaning to have a conversation with Brian for a while," he said slyly, "And I want to see all my friends, too, before they go back to school."
"Well, Chauncey, you know, no good can come of this."
"What do you mean?" asked Chauncey, with a mildly evil grin.
"You know what I mean." But he wouldn't listen. He just grinned at me and said that he still wanted to go. And, besides, so did I, so did I, and he would be my ride, so discussion ended there.
Our hostess
We headed to the party on that fateful evening, through the heavy snow and ice, and got there at around 11:30. Marla greeted us, (she hosting the party) and, well, she appeared a little tipsy, but, well, that's what I expected anyway. We saw a bunch of other friends, most of whom appeared to have just started drinking, and so we started to mingle. After several minutes it was apparent that Chauncey's ex wasn't there, and I breathed something of a sigh of relief.
Chauncey had a plan, though: How about Marla call Amy and see if she was coming? Marla, being a bit inebriated, agreed, and thought seeing this battle of the wits might make for slightly good entertainment. So she called and urged them to come to the party, not mentioning that Chauncey was there, and, once finally off the phone, seemed to be glowing in anticipation of Amy and Brian's arrival.
We mingled a bit more, and Chauncey went off to pick up John-Paul Lohrstorfer and Kimm, John Paul's girlfriend, at around midnight. While he was gone, the party continued, with Marla still mixing up the drinks, and the rest of us mixing with each other. It was fun to see all these old friends from high school and the like again, all back together in town. While Chauncey was still away, however, Amy and Brian arrived. (see notes)
"Hey, Amy, I haven't seen you in forever!" screamed Marla.
"Hi. Um, is Chauncey here?" asked Amy.
"No, he just left, actually. Come on in, sit down, would you like a drink?"
So Amy and Brian came in and proceeded to join in the festivities. I exchanged a few words with Amy, but mostly kept to the earlier conversation in which I was involved, arguing whether to put the Pixies in or Jay-Z Unplugged, which, at the time needed to be discussed before we were all plunged into a musical purgatory for the rest of the night (see notes).
However, the good times were not to continue unfettered for much longer. And within a moment or two of my having popped in the Pixies, there came a familiar knock at the front door.
Clash of the Titan
Who will save the day here
I'm afraid I haven't got a picture of John Paul's girlfriend, and, as you can see, I'm no Photoshop whiz or anything
Chauncey, John Paul, and Kimm arrived. I immediately went to get the door (as Marla was off conversing), not really thinking about the implications. I realized, at the moment I opened the door, that the first thing Chauncey would see would be Amy and a gentleman sitting next to her whom he had never met (at least in person). I gave Chauncey the stare of a thousand fiery oceans, and he understood. They entered, and Chauncey instantaneously noticed Amy sitting there.
"Oh, hi," Chauncey muttered to Amy, and, she, in return, gave him something of a scoul. He pulled me out to the other room, pointed at Brian and asked me if that was Amy's new boyfriend. I affirmed his suspicisions, and he immediately began making comments about Brian's cute goatee (which, in all truth, Chaunce said, "...looks like the goatee of a 15 year old.")
Wishing to avoid the developing tension, I walked off to the kitchen where some conversations were going on. Marla was now more drunk than before, but she kept up her hosting duties with great grace, even if a bit of a tipsy grace. I kept up this conversation for several minutes until I realized the futility of it.
Walking back into the living room, Chauncey and Brian had got into it.
"Well, I just want to know why you were so rude to me online?" asked Chauncey, who had only known Brian from some instant messages.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you were very rude, and you implied that I was a homosexual. Now, I had a relationship with Amy for two years straight, does that sound like the act of a homosexual?" replied Chauncey, directly.
"I never implied..." stuttered Brian.
"Yes you did. I just want to know what I did to you that illicited such a response from you?"
"Why are you being so confrontational? I don't want to talk about this."
"I'm not being confrontational. I just want to know why you were so rude," said Chauncey, sarcastically, "Did I do you wrong, Brian?"
"What is this about? Do you want to fight me?" replied Brian, "I'll give you two options: Either you shut up about this, or you fight me."
"But I don't want to fight you, Brian. I just want an answer."
Brian didn't say a word, and Kimm tried to start some other conversation. The whole mêlée had us speechless, and all attempts at conversation died. We sat in silence for about two minutes. I thought I ought to do something about that.
"...And an eerie silence filled the room," I commented, chuckling.
And usually that does it most times, usually people start talking after someone breaks the silence. But not this time. I think I saw a smile at most.
"...And yet another eerie silence filled the room," I said, again, hoping someone would get the clue. But, instead, Chauncey and Brian restarted their verbal battle of the wits. That was enough for me, so I took the teddy bear that was sitting in the living room and proceeded to go up to everyone and say in the most cute voice I could, "I wuv woo, [insert name here]." That seemed to liven things up, or at least stop the tussle.
Meanwhile...
While this went on in the living room, apparently everyone else was off in a room off the dining room having deep philosophical conversation, or something like that. And Marla continued drinking. It appears that after several minutes of their philosophical conversation that the group decided to split into two factions: The Dance Party 2001 group, who stayed downstairs in the dining room and started blasting music, and the What the hell are you doing up there? group, who consisted of a number of girls and one guy upstairs. Much giggling was heard.
That darned goofy grin
Radiohead Dave also showed up at about this time. I doubt you need much explination about a guy who's nickname is "Radiohead" Dave, so I'll spare you the lengthy description. At any rate, when he knocked, Marla ran halfway across the house to the door, flung it open, screamed, "Hi, Daaaaave!" and promptly fell backwards into the staircase behind her. If it wasn't already apparent, Marla was, well, particularly sauced by this point in the night.
When Two Worlds Collide
So, we were sitting in silence in the post-Cutesy bear time, tension still filling the room, when we noticed the music in the dining room. Now, you may not know Chauncey, but, if you did, you'd know he never misses the chance to impress the ladies on the dance floor. So, he headed out there, and, from there on in many an interesting whoop and holler were heard.
With Chauncey out of the way, Brian decided that it would be OK to make conversation with us, who, I think he saw us as somewhat hostile to him, as we were Chauncey's friends from before he met Amy. I think Brian was kind of right, I mean, we don't really know him, whereas we do Chauncey. Nonetheless...
"So, um, Charles, how's your drink?", he asked.
"Fine," I ever so astutely replied.
"Ah. Good."
The suave and debonair gentleman who gets himself involved in much scandal
Then, yet again, that strange silence filled our room, until the sounds from the upstairs became astoundingly apparent. It sounded as though there were three or four girls upstairs all laughing their asses off. And, we knew Dan, one of our old ZTV buddies was up there, too. We saw him coming down the stairs and made several humorous comments about what was going on up there, but, as it turned out, they were just joking around and having fun, and the 4:1 girl to guy ratio didn't have anything to do with it. (see notes)
And not only was Dan involving himself in scandal. Turns out that Marla started kissing someone and I hear that pictures were taken, perhaps so that they could remember their drunkeness in the morning. Details about all of what transpired here are sketchy. Once the pictures surface, however, I might just have to make another little update here. Anyway...
While all this was going on, John Paul and his girlfriend got up and went to the kitchen. I just decided to stay in the living room because Radiohead Dave and I had started in on some conversation or another, acting as something of an icebreaker in the whole "relationship" situation. However, within a minute, the shit hit the fan. Or, rather, the vomit.
Did the Crock Pot turn over?...oh...no...
"Uh, Charles, Marla just got sick in the kitchen," Dan said, "Yeah, and she hit her head, too."
"Is she hurt?"
"I don't think so, but it's a real mess."
Rathen than go and view the mess, and knowing that the kitchen must have been full of folks anyway, I decided I'd do the smart thing and stay out of the way in the living room. But then it happened. The thing that always happens when someone gets sick. The smell.
It hit us like a brick wall. People immediately started going for their coats and started wrapping up conversation. As I saw a small trickle of people now arriving from the kitchen, and since Marla had made it up to the bathroom, I decided now would be the time for me to go and see if I could help out in there in any way.
Entering, I was truly surprised at the way everyone had got everything together so quickly. Chauncey was mopping the floor, although he himself was a bit of a mess. I was later told that Amy thought it was a rather humorous and well-deserved, um, blow.
"Uh, Chaunce, um..." was all I could think of.
"Yeah, I was right in the line of fire. It was like a fountain. I guess she was heading for the back door," he replied, with a look of mild disgust on his face.
"Well, it's really nice to see you cleaning up, that's a thoughtful thing for you to do."
"Yeah, well, I did it only mostly because I wanted to get rid of the smell," he said, "and, besides, this mop was right next to me."
So, I gave Chauncey whatever little help I could (which wasn't much, most everything was taken care of) and then headed to the living room, where a mass exodus was taking place. Luckily, John Paul thought of something that most no one else had considered.
"Hey, guys, who's going to stay here and look after Marla?" he asked. No one answered, and several milled around near the door.
"C'mon, guys, you came over here and partied yet not one of you will do the right thing and make sure that she's going to be okay?"
Two girls volunteered and went upstairs to make sure that everything was okay. Dan also said that he could probably spend the night, too, if need be to make sure that Marla was okay.
So, most everyone left. I stayed for about half an hour more with Chauncey to give the several other folks who were staying around some company. Various noises, not as gleeful as before, were heard from the upstairs as Marla showered and got ready for bed and occasionally dry heaved.
This is the End
After we heard from the girls upstairs that it was all under control, we thought it was best to go. After Chauncey dropped of JP and Kimm, he and I started re-capping the night.
"Yeah, they sure were having a fun time upstairs while you were dancing," I mentioned, jokingly.
"So I heard."
"Well, that was something. I hope those stains come out of your Dockers."
"I hope so, too, I'll put them in the wash when I get back home. Gosh, that was kind of a pity, the whole Brian thing, and then Marla getting sick."
"Well, Chauncey, though, I did warn you," I said, slyly.
"Huh?"
"'No good can come of this.' I told ya so."
Notes
A number of peoples names are changed to protect the innocent, the underage, the daft, and the giddy.
When Amy & Brian arrived, I was pretty sure that Marla had told them on the phone that Chauncey would be back around. Reflecting on what I now know, I don't think they really knew that ahead of time, and they were probably taken a bit aback when he did show up.
As a side note to the Pixies vs Jay-Z debate, I'm not much of a hip-hop fan, but I do enjoy good hip-hop. Jay-Z Unplugged was not enjoyable. Not only my opinion, but also in the opinion of the former cohost of the Flo Zone, John Paul, the uncontested expert in all hip-hop-esque-ness. (That's not even a word!)
As for the whole Dan and the four girls thing discussed above, I did go upstairs and use the bathroom, and, well, they really were just joking around and all, at least when I saw them. Maybe more intimacy was shared than I have let on, but I really don't know. Make up your own version of it in your head as would best suit your enjoyment here.
